Couple things before we get rolling here:
1) This is the second time I have published this post and that is because the author listed, Shamelessly Present, didn't show up until yesterday. I took the first published version down after like ...8 hours. Literally, I awoke in the night to the screaming thought at the forefront of my mind, "Why in god's name would you actually post things you tell yourself to the internet?!"
Why? Because of the people who actually read My Morning Mile, I probably know them all personally. Also, I am acutely aware that they likely know when I am lying -I am not the cleverest weaver of lies- and that bodes poorly when the opening paragraph of your article includes the claim that you "have not edited the content." Well... I did edit the content.
And by that, I mean I chose to swap out other, less egregiously intimate notes for more banal topics. Which, when I sat down to consider this, probably makes everyone involved more comfortable. After all, I would love to continue looking my close personal friends and family in the eye after encouraging them to subscribe and read my blog.
2) I did not come up with this idea --> go read Furiously Happy. Jenny Lawson wrote it, and she's hilariously brilliant. While I was having a bout of the sad one day, a friend read the opening section to me aloud, and it was magnificent. A solid friend, and a solid book from what I could tell.
That said, I was going through the Notes app in my LG phone one day to find things I had written for an earlier blog post, and came across some gems worthy of sharing. This investigation spiraled me into a lunch of reading, blushing, laughing, and quickly deleting six months of notes that had accumulated in my phone since it was activated in February.
My notes serve me in the capacity of a calendar, to-do list, reminders, journal, *bloggings, late-night thoughts, things I am sober enough not to text but drunk enough to record, and various *braingasms associated with the pleasure of working one's dream job while the world progressively loses its goddamn mind.
The following eight notes have been selected for sharing. I picked out eight because it's my favorite number and to drawl on about many of the others would be pretty much this blog in reverse. As many of you may know, I am not the most graceful texter, so I did edit these for spelling, but otherwise left them untouched for your amusement, bemusement, and tickles. I took the deepest pleasure in choosing fonts for each, and the selection was made along specific guidelines.
Guidelines were as follows:
1) They are not sexually graphic.
2) Nor are they dangerously personal.
3) None of them are rage rants (although, I supposed they could all be loaded into the 'rants' category on some level).
4) Not to be taken too seriously.
I thought about writing up commentary for each but, really, most of these are self-explanatory. Plus, I think it leaves more to be enjoyed if I let you draw your own conclusions. Under that introduction, I feel compelled to add that I am not 100% sure what I was engaged in during all of the ones shown, or the titles listed at the end. Honestly, that's probably for the best. Judge if you must, but I hope that you laugh along with me.
The fire whittled its logs down to brittle black skeletons. From its bed of embers, she cracked out of tempo to the hum of insects.
Do you think there's such a thing as talking to yourself too much? naw probs not. don't seem real ova herre. a good point. probably right. amirite? sexy black tank top for the win.
Voltaire joke:Two giants from Sirius and Saturn come to visit Earth. They walk around the Mediterranean talking about how nice it must be to live here bc the life is so small and insignificant, there can be nothing but happiness. They pause to pick up a sailing ship, and congratulate its contents on their implicit smallness and grace. The men on the ship are thrown into panic. The chaplains, in an effort to save everyone, begin reciting exorcisms. The sailors, condemning their awful fate, swear mercilessly. And the philosophers organize a system to explain what was happening. Har har.
Slow acting zombie virus. Infects people slowly and then changes their behavior. World leaders slowly go crazy and then everybody finds out the virus isn't like in the movies where it's uber fast and would totally burn itself out without causing mayhem. Virus has been insidiously spreading and then bam the world ends because the anthropological progression of human societies is disrupted by the brain things happening.
If you spend less money on books now, I bet you can buy more later! *eyebrow raise* but what if buying books is bad? wut. Can I still sniff the spine of the books and not buy them? Is that weird that seems odd. They need to make a kindle app that can make that smell. or any smell. no not any smell there are things that no one needs to smell from a kindle. good start though, contact some investors.
I am a cannibal of my own heart #philosophy
All life is infinite in form and variety, but do not confuse eternity of the soul with everlastingness. Every universe is essentially finite as the state of existence we know unfurls in a catastrophic splendor of dimensions fracturing in upon themselves. The destiny of all those capable of seeking such a thing is forever to cease living and begin existing.
Does anyone else think earrings are weird? Like. Why did I do this. I've become a human towel rack for pieces of brick-a-brack. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Just wait for one to get caught. When did we get so lazy that like this was a good idea? How old is earlobe piercing. Are there places where they pierce other things and wear the things eternally? I guess that's the show Taboo. Pretty crazy stuff. But most of those are like open wounds or some crap. I shouldn't say crap. But honestly- its all crap. Animals with decorations. What were we thinking. Counterpoint: i love the big hoop look. Marvelous silver. Peace out chumps.
Other miscellaneous titles include, but are not limited to:
Donuts List
Brain Timeline
Places to Rockhound
Shame Triggers
ok. How about this?
things to spend money on
things NOT to spend money on
Self Affirmations
Books
the RAGE is real
workouts
What Brought That On?
Baby Shower Games
Story Ideas
passwords
The Gay Thing
New Passwords
Better Workouts!!
Things I Wish I Could Say To [insert sexist male person]
resume updates
THE BIRDS LIST
Words
EMAILS to not forget
And conclusively, nothing short of a cry for psychiatric help if anyone trained in the black voodoo magics got hold of my Notes application.
*Bloggings: Things I jot down as potential writing/mediation topics for later. Mostly about rocks. I see you are astounded by this.
*Braingasm: It's like an epiphany, but more fun to say.