In lieu of one final submission to the Washington Medical Licensing Board, I found this old blurb I wrote a few weeks after my surgeon stole into my therapy notes and used what he read to refuse me treatment, pushing my surgery back six months and generally spoiling my sleep with a tantrum of nightmares. Nothing new, and nothing related to birds or rocks, but relevant to bliss all the same. Do I feel better after posting about this horror earlier this year of 2020? Immensely. Do I think what follows was well written enough to share on my site? Also yes. For those who came here for BRB reading, look out for the next post from Winter Storm Watch Duluth- November Edition. For the rest, here it is. Nearing poetry, I think.
"It happened to me and it shouldn’t happen to anyone. That’s what I tell myself off and on these days. It was the first explanation that jumped to the forefront of my mind when a friend asked what my ideal outcome would be of a lawsuit against Dr. S. Oh, how would I love to say I am suing my orthopedic surgeon. But my partner's father is right, he's got a lot more money than me and that means he will win and I will lose much more than money. That’s an important detail. Guy went into my psychothereapy notes and sent me a right nasty letter. The letter was expected, the contents was not. I was told his office would send me a letter with the results and Dr. S’s surgical impressions of the EMG (a medieval nerve-conduction test). This was the step before making my next appointment with him to shuffle forward in my surgery process. Well, here’s that letter*. [I chose not to include this on the off chance the Medical Board wants to claim it as evidence] And here's the letter from Kaiser absolving them of responsibility in this violation because it's the EPIC Medical Record System, not Kaiser [same reason]. Even the enraged psych doctor and therapist of mine are helpless to report it for fear of their own organization's aggression at being held responsible. Five different attorney offices in Spokane also seem to think it's enraging but then quickly check their books and find my case a "conflict of interest." Glad to know Northwest Orthopedic Surgeons has the whole of this city in a fisted grip by the short hairs.
This shouldn’t have happened. That’s not what they tell you when you sign up for therapy. It’s always, 'Everything is confidential unless you are harming an elder person or a child or making some other specific threat.' I should know, I’m not only dating a therapist but all her friends who are now also my friends are in the profession. I am a biologist- much simpler stuff. After something like this happens -any kind of trauma really- chasing the sensation of safety is like catching a skink in the wooded hills of Missouri. You chase the little bugger around for half an hour just to skin both your knees and miss the sight of it slipping out from between your fingers as you blink. Never blink with a skink. I should get that tattooed on my neck.
It’s violating, having someone read those things about you. About your heart and the mind sheltering within it. Things only the person you have learned to trust and sit with your pain should know. Having had a lot of therapists over the years, I can say with confidence that it’s not something you built in a day. The passion of what I was going to write left me after the muscle relaxer hit my overloaded nervous system. Guess I’ll come back tomorrow. When that Spokane sunrise shatters the grey and cloudless Western sky with its familiar, sunny grin. It's always cracking a smile down at our plebian milling around at dim hours."
With love & nothing else,